I Can… But I Won’t

I love feeling productive. At times, I've even struggled to not let it be an idol in my life. That feeling you get at the end of the day when looking at a long list of to-do's, each with a proud red check mark beside them?! I love that feeling! 

Ridiculous, I know, but it's my struggle. I have always worked, balancing lots of things at once. Working hard is good. But working hard at making intentional choices to slow down is good too. And in fact, a lot more difficult than I ever imagined. 

Lately, God has been intently reshaping my heart & plucking this need for productivity out of my life. In simply being in him, I'm realizing how much of his presence I miss in the daily tasks if I let the work-horse in me take the reigns (and most days it wins the struggle).

I heard this recently and it struck me hard: We don’t manage our home because our home is our hope. We manage our home because Christ is our hope. 

I manage my home some days for the thrill of those red check marks. 

I can accomplish everything on my to-do list, killing myself and make those around me miserable in the process. But I won't. 

I can let productivity rule my days and miss out on all of the little interruptions that simply bring blessing. But I won't. 

I can spin my wheels to death and avoid the chance of anyone thinking I am not capable of all this. But I won't. 

Because in making those choices, I'm saying yes to all of the things that the world defines as good and fulfilling and saying no to the prince of peace. 

No to silence, stillness, and deep transformation that will convict my soul, quiet my anxious heart, and produce holy joy. 

I can manage my home to the best of my ability, but I won't.

Instead I'll manage my home in the strength and ability only Christ provides so that in the end, I have no choice but to say yes. 

Yes to less of myself, less of my agenda and to-do’s.

Yes to less of nurturing the need to see those red check marks at the end of the day.

And more to nurturing the contentment that comes from just living freely in Christ, enjoying him. And I honestly can't think of a more productive thing on earth! 

Lord, make me to know my end and what is the extent of my days; Let me know how transient I am. Behold, You have made my days as handbreadths, and my lifetime as nothing in Your sight; surely every man at his best is a mere breath. - Psalm 39:4-5